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  • Lynn Catalano

The Last Resort – No Contact

What’s no contact?

In law school, we learn about the court of last resort. The Supreme Court, as the highest court in the land, isthe court of last resort for those looking for justice. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines last resort as “something done only if nothing else works.” With regard to toxic relationships, no contact is the last resort. This means you are at the lowest point in the relationship and no contact will allow you to begin the healing process without any contact at all with this person. This is not a form of manipulation or revenge. No contact is the only way to break the codependent relationship and stop the cycle of abuse.

When you’re in a relationship with someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, you have probably been trying to make the relationship work for some time. When we’re in it, we aren’t aware of the terminology and it’s not important. We just keep our head down, we tell ourselves that the abuse isn’t that bad, and we try to make peace. We’ll even go so far as to apologize for things that aren’t our fault as we’ll do just about anything to make it work.

When will enough be enough?

That’s different for everyone. We all have our limits. For me, it was the realization that I didn’t have to do anything to him to cause him to give me the Silent Treatment. In fact, the last time he walked out of my life, everything had been good. No fights, no drama, and then…he just didn’t show. I saved him a seat and he never showed. Then he called me, 2 ½ months later as if nothing had happened.

I wrote about this in my book Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”

“The other alternative is to choose to go no contact with your narcissist. This is a last resort choice after trying to make the relationship work. Narcissists can’t change, they see nothing wrong with their actions. Stop thinking they’ll change. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you. I had to learn my father will never become what I wanted as a father. This can be extremely difficult. Grieve the loss of the relationship and even the loss of whom you thought the person was to you. Protect yourself and take care of you. Take a deep breath. Lean on your support network. Take back your power.

By the time you reach a point where you decide to go no contact, you’ve probably been pushed beyond your limits, because the narcissist has crossed your boundaries. You can’t take it anymore. You’re finally emotionally ready to let go. They aren’t normal, nor do they have normal reactions. That’s why no contact is best.

People who’ve never experienced this pattern of emotional abuse don’t understand the toll it takes on our physical, mental, and emotional selves. We’ve spent years, perhaps an entire lifetime walking on eggshells afraid of upsetting the narcissist. We’re finally free.”

If you’ve suffered this type of relationship, it helps enormously to talk to someone.

I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now I coach people on their healing journey. I have purpose in what I'm doing. I give people clarity, validation & comfort.

Learn more about me here:

Click here to book a free session with me. We’ll figure out if we work well together.

You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon and

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