How does a narcissist present themselves at work?
Narcissists often manifest as toxic leaders in the work culture. They exhibit the same characteristics of someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) with subtle differences. Narcissists as toxic bosses demonstrate specific characteristics intended to make employees miserable. They need everyone to be on edge all the time, uncomfortable in their position, with little job security. Toxic bosses pride themselves on their omnipotence and reign of terror. They’re inconsistent, incapable of giving positive reinforcement, and incorrigible. I actually worked for three toxic bosses, which I discuss in my book.
Narcissistic bosses see their employees as a source of narcissistic supply or as flying monkeys to do their bidding, or both. Narcissistic behavior on the job can arise at any time, with disturbing consequences. The long-term fallout from a toxic workplace can be substantial. Therefore, you must identify if you are working for a narcissist.
My Top 10 Signs Your Boss is a Narcissist
They don’t take responsibility for their poor decisions
They avoid conflict at all costs - they love consensus and hate disagreement.
They micromanage EVERYONE.
They don’t communicate well or sometimes even at all
They assume everyone is on call 24/7 no matter their pay or level of responsibility. They have no boundaries (texting/emailing at all hours and days and upset when there’s no response)
They do not plan, they just react
They focus on short-term optics without concern for actual solutions or attacking the root cause of the problem
They completely ignore turnovers
They completely ignore turnovers
They show complete disregard and disrespect for other’s time
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“Narcissists don’t want to rehash why someone leaves as it may reflect poorly on them. They choose not to investigate and often demonize outgoing employees as disloyal or not a good fit. Chris the Calculating Commander once said, “I’m not in the business of begging people to stay.” The organization had a turnover rate of almost 25 percent in one year. People left because it was such a toxic organization. No one felt they had a modicum of job security. The negative environment helped spread mistrust and a lack of teamwork. Their motto should have been, “We don’t invest in our people as they’re replaceable.” Chris liked pretending he was unaware of such problems.
When an employee received an offer from another organization for more money, a better title, a better opportunity, they’d often go to Chris and tell him. They would say they have an opportunity, but they still love it here. If they were offered a raise, often they would stay. Chris was known for simply wishing people well. He never asked anyone to stay.”
Having a narcissistic boss is not a rite of passage.
You did nothing to deserve this abuse. A toxic workplace affects your mental, emotional, and physical health. A narcissistic boss sets you back in your career. If you don’t address it, it can bleed into all aspects of your life. It can take years to recover from a toxic work environment. Narcissistic bosses wear down your self-esteem and cause constant stress and anxiety.
Narcissistic bosses won’t change. They’ve become successful by leaving a trail of burned bridges and scorched earth. It will never change. There’s no point in trying to have any kind of constructive intervention with them. Unfortunately, even HR can’t really help you. They too report to the toxic boss.
You need to learn strategies to cope if you are going to stay. Or polish your resume and start looking for another position elsewhere.
Next week, I’ll give you my advice if you must stay in the job.
I help people every day. I can help you.
If you’ve worked for a narcissistic toxic boss, it’s critical for you to talk to someone. However, it’s important to talk to someone who gets it. I believe that in this particular form of abuse, it’s best to talk to someone who’s had a similar experience. I have experienced this insidious emotional abuse.
You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly.
Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better. I kept going to work, thinking I could change the organization. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.
You deserve better, too.
When you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, it feels like you are stuck forever.
You are not stuck.
Narcissists are less likely to ever change. But you can.
You can start making a change today. I have a new program starting soon.
If you’re ready to change how you think,
If you’re ready to change how you feel,
If you’re ready to change your path,
Click this to begin
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You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.