Confronting your narcissist
When you have finally had enough chaos, drama, and confusion from your narcissist, you decide it’s time to confront them. This takes you a while, it doesn’t come easy. You’ve been trying to make this relationship work and you just can’t continue this way. You must know the truth. So you confront them. But be prepared. They will not behave like someone who is not disordered would. Don’t expect them to take responsibility for their words and actions and sincerely apologize. It’s just not going to happen.
What Should you expect?
1. Narcissists will not answer any direct questions.
They will not respond to your questions. They will start throwing in irrelevant facts known as “word salad” to confuse and distract.
2. Narcissists will use any and all forms of manipulation -Gaslighting.
They use gaslighting to manipulate the truth. They will try to convince you that your wrong about what happened. Their perception of reality is the only option.
3. Narcissists love to use projection.
Projection is a defense mechanism where basically, they're saying, “It’s not me, it’s you!”
4. Narcissists react with denials, deflection & lying.
If they see that they cannot dispute your facts, they will pull the focus elsewhere toward anything secondary, irrelevant, or unrelated.
5. Narcissists always react by turning the tables – making themselves the victim.
In order to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, they make themselves the victim to exert sympathy from you.
6. Narcissists will then try to provoke reactive abuse from you.
Reactive abuse is when they provoke you to react in such a way that they can say you are the crazy one. They taunt you and use your emotional reactions against you.
7. All of this triggers a narcissistic injury which sends the narcissist into a narcissistic rage storm.
Narcissistic rage storms can be either explosive or silently seething. Sometimes you can see the storm coming. Hunker down, as you don’t know how long it will last.
8. The Silent Treatment.
This is the cruelest form of manipulation the narcissist uses to punish you. There is no conflict resolution as they categorically refuse to speak to you.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“When I confronted my father after an argument, I didn’t recognize he was gaslighting me, at the time. I repeated back what he said and did. First, he responded, it was a misinterpretation. He wouldn’t explain what was misinterpreted or who misinterpreted what. Then he said it was a joke. This should’ve been a red flag. There was nothing funny about the subject matter or his actions. He never elaborated. He then concocted an elaborate retelling of the facts, including events that never took place. I corroborated his story with the other person involved a true innocent. The innocent, who had no skin in this game, told me none of the above three versions of my father’s responses occurred. My father changed the past to fit his recollection – he saw himself as the victim. He was always turning the tables. When he recounts that story, he only remembers it his way, believing all his own lies.”
If you’ve confronted your narcissist, whether romantically, at work or in your own family and had some of the above happen, please address it. Narcissistic abuse is unlike other forms of emotional abuse. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t resolve itself. If you don’t address it, it bleeds into every aspect of your life and affects the way you show up in everything.
Take precautions to protect your mental, emotional and physical health. Talk to someone who understands and can help you strategize. Don’t wait.
This is why it’s so important to talk to someone after you’ve suffered this type of abuse. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
I can help you.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk.
Click here to book a free session with me. Don’t wait another day.
You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com.