People who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) say and do cruel things to provoke a reaction out of you. They create drama and chaos where there isn't any. They love to shift the blame and regain the spotlight.
Don't Engage
Narcissists are bullies. If you react and the narcissist gets what they want, they will continue. If you can show them their actions don't impact you, the narcissist may move on to someone else.
It's important not to argue or defend yourself, because that gives credence to the narcissist's false reality. Put up your shields, and set a boundary.
Say something like:
"I disagree" or "that's your opinion."
Learning not to react to their provocation will be your superpower
Here are 3 easy steps to responding mindfully that I give my clients:
1. Pretend you didn’t notice what they said or did and breathe
2. Be aware of the emotion inn your body
3. Think ahead and recognize what happens if you react how you have
They Make themselves the victim
Whatever your issue with your narcissist, they will deflect from your assertion
by turning the tables and making themselves the victim. They need to regain control of the situation.
You hurt me! Poor, poor me. Instead of resolving the issue with you, they have no problem lying and painting you as the perpetrator and themselves as the victim.
Narcissists love to destroy your property, slander you, and turn people against you, When you respond appropriately, they paint you as the aggressor and the bad person.
Please understand that this is callous and calculated. Narcissists project their actual behavior onto you to make themselves the victim. For a narcissist, it is rarely about the truth and almost always about image.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“I spoke with Phoebe about the narcissist in her life, her mother. Phoebe knew as long as you stay on the narcissist’s script, you will continue to get their approval. It’s when you divert from the script which causes the narcissist to go into a rage storm or withdraw. We definitely were not staying on my father’s script like my mother did, providing the necessary narcissistic supply. Every time we have a problem, he turns the tables to position himself as the victim. He immediately reacts saying, “If you don’t want me around, I understand.”
They aren’t going to change
People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are very unlikely to change. In order to change, you need to be able to self-reflect. Narcissists are never going to ask themselves if they are the problem?
They rarely seek help. In fact, NPD is the one personality disorder where their victims are more likely to seek help then those that have it.
I once read that waiting for closure from people who suffer from NPD is like waiting for the dead to bury themselves. You need to change your perspective. You need to change how you approach them. This is exactly what I help my clients do.
If you haven’t made any changes, if you’re still in that toxic relationship, questioning yourself, 2024 is your year. Change is uncomfortable. It’s much easier to stay where you are. But change comes from uncomfortable places.
Don’t step into another new year in this toxic situation. Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better.
You do deserve better. Make 2024 your year.
I have a group starting soon. I have a limited number of seats available for serious people who want to be able to recover from this and never be in this situation again. Get on the waiting list. https://www.lynncatalano.com/group-registration
This is your chance. Don’t wait another day.
This is why it’s so important to talk to someone after you’ve suffered this type of abuse. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
You are addicted to the pain. Break the trauma bond. Today is your day.
I can help you.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk.
Click here to book a free session with me. Don’t wait another day.
You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com.