- Lynn Catalano
Arguing with a narcissist is like being on a rollercoaster, going backward, in the dark
These people suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are disordered. They don’t conduct themselves with any sense of normality. When you’re in an argument with them, it’s like no other experience you’ve had. There is no resolution. It leaves you with more questions than you began and lots of confusion.
What’s the #1 Response from a Narcissist When you Confront Them?
“Don’t you know how much I’ve done for you?”
Why do they always do this? Narcissists can’t exhibit empathy or actual love. Everything is conditional for them and what you can do for them. When you realize this and you realize this is a toxic relationship, then you confront them. Then they revert to after all I've done for you. Because it was always about their control and everything they do for you is conditional.
This is the term for the tactic narcissists use during an argument. When you confront a narcissist with a problem, their response will be lengthy, circular, and confusing. They do this intentionally to manipulate and control you. Their position completely lacks logic and uses projection and blame to force their hand.
Deny, Deflect, Lie
Typical narcissists exhibit certain behaviors on repeat – deny, deflect, and lie. Whether the narcissist is a parent, a boyfriend, a spouse, a sibling, or a boss; they love-bomb you and praise you to get you to do something. But if you go off their script, they go back to “Don’t you know how much I’ve done for you?”
Top 5 reasons why you can’t win an argument with a narcissist
1) They will never learn & change
2) They must have the last word
3) There’s no reasoning with a liar
4) They will use whatever you say against you
5) You don’t have a relationship worth fighting for or saving.
In my mini-training, I show you all of the tactics narcissists like to use in an argument. I also teach you how to navigate that argument with as little emotional upset as possible. Check out my mini-training here.
When you grow up with a parent who’s a narcissist, you are conditioned to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around them so as not to trigger them. This is completely exhausting. When you finally feel what it’s like to exist without them, it’s freedom.
Narcissists are never wrong, it’s never their fault and they will never take responsibility for their actions. They’d rather gaslight you to believe their lies. They so believe their own lies they are now part of their false reality. They will never apologize. Stop waiting for closure. They can’t change. You need to. This is why it’s so critical for you to talk to someone.