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3 Secrets & 3 Truths About Narcissists

Narcissists don’t want you to know


People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) keep things from you.  Sometimes it’s vital information, about their finances or about their plans.  They like to keep things from you to remain in control. They are also known to withhold affection and intimacy.  Click here to see my previous blog post about that topic.


There are, however, three (3) basic concepts narcissists just don’t want you to know.


These are the 3 Secrets Narcissists Keep From You:


1.    Narcissists wear a mask, pretending they are bold, brave, and charismatic.

The truth is that people with NPD are rooted in deep insecurity and very needy.

They are hypersensitive to any criticism and perceived offense. They will never accept responsibility for their actions and instead will shift the blame to someone or something else.


2.    Narcissists need you (more than you need them)


They never want you to know that they really do need you more than you need them.  They need you for narcissistic supply (it’s their oxygen), and more importantly, they need you for their image.  Their image is always more important than any relationship.  They desperately need other people to desire what they have, see their perfect life including relationships, and be envious.


3.    Narcissists are jealous of you.


They are easily threatened by someone who disrupts their sense of superiority. They are known to be pathologically envious.  They see your success as a negative reflection on them as they see it as a missed opportunity for themselves.


These are the 3 Truths Narcissists Keep From You:


1.    People who suffer from NPD are less likely to ever change


I wrote about this in my book Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”  


“I’ve implemented changes to better deal with the toxicity. It’s been like earning a graduate degree after the experience. Part of it was learning I wasn’t going crazy. Something indeed was wrong. Upon learning what was happening, I hope the journey helps you.

You aren’t alone or being too sensitive. This book will help you identify the toxic people in your life and navigate them. Some readers can leave and eliminate the toxicity from their life. Other readers, like me, can’t leave. A parent is still a parent, no matter what. Don’t pretend these people can change, they won’t. You’ll need to change, adapt, and grow to protect yourself. I hope this book sets you on the right path to a healthy mental and emotional place and better relationships.”


2.    As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”  

My narcissistic father kept showing me who he really was and I just didn’t want to believe him. He would put himself ahead of me publicly and compete with me then to give me the silent treatment for years. I kept going back accepting his refusal to discuss what happened and repeating the cycle again and again.


3.    Narcissists’ love is conditional and transactional.

Love is also conditional to a narcissist.  I wrote about this in my blog last week.

They love you because you provide them with something in exchange or do something for them.  Narcissists only choose to be around people who benefit them in some way. They will leave you when you no longer provide benefit to them.


As the victims of narcissistic abuse, we just want to believe so badly that they feel the same way we do, we are willing to accept so much less.  We just keep hoping they will see what’s right in front of them and change. But they won’t.  They aren’t capable of change. You deserve better.


If you’ve been in a relationship like this and experienced these secrets and truths, please talk to someone. Make sure it’s someone who understands what you’ve been through. You need to address this hurt before it bleeds into other aspects of your life. I get it.


You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. 


Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better. I kept trying to make our relationship work, but he didn’t want me in his life. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.


You deserve better, too.


If you’re ready to change how you think,

If you’re ready to change how you feel,

If you’re ready to change your path,

 You can't do this alone. I can help you.

Work with me one on one or take one of my courses.

Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast


You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon,, and












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