What does a narcissist crave the most? ATTENTION!
Narcissists constantly crave narcissistic supply. What is it? Narcissistic supply is the narcissist unending need for attention, praise, reverence, envy, compliments, awards, and winning. They will manipulate anyone and anything to get their supply.
After “shock & awe,” during the time when I thought my father and I were okay, things went wrong again. I had gone back to him after 8 months of him giving me the Silent Treatment because I didn’t want to be the one to end our relationship. The guilt of being an only child and deep sense of obligation along with the obvious trauma bonds kept me going back to him despite all of the abuse and manipulation.
This particular time, my youngest daughter got the lead in the elementary school play in the 5th grade. We had been talking about it all the time. We were incredibly proud of her. I had shared much about the play with my father. He seemed interested in what Allison was doing. This was a surprise as he hadn’t expressed any interest in either of his granddaughters in the past. Then a week before the play, he tells me that his high school is giving him an alumni award, on the same night as the play. I’m shocked. First of all, after he refused to attend the gala where I was honored, I resolved to no longer attend another one of his awards. I wrote about this in a previous blog post:
“He couldn’t wait to tell me he attended the hospital gala the night before. This was the same hospital gala I was responsible for during the 16 years I worked for the hospital. It was also the same one which honored me the year before when he refused to attend and told me he’d “never do anything with that hospital again.”
Second, he had all but promised he’d be in the audience for Allison on her big night. The play was only on one night. Spoiler alert – he chose the dinner where he would be one of many honorees, not his granddaughter's play.
On the streaming episode show, Shrinking, one of the characters has a similar experience. Paul, one of the psychiatrists, has a distant relationship with his only daughter and only grandson. He is seen trying to get closer. During one episode, Paul is notified that he has won an award from a psychiatric association to be held in Las Vegas. He invites his daughter, her husband and son to attend the ceremony. His daughter tells him they can’t attend as her son is in the school play the same night. The next seen shows Paul, with the woman he’s dating in a car arriving at an event. They are dressed nicely and then they’re walking in to an auditorium. You think it’s the award ceremony but it turns out to be the school play. Paul is showing his daughter and grandson that he wants to be part of their life. Paul is showing them that he values their relationship over any award.
When it comes down to it, life is all about your relationships, not the plaques and trophies you’ve received. Your plaques and trophies don’t make very good company. My father only valued those. He had no need for relationships with his only child or only grandchildren.
Narcissists fantasize about having power over others
Receiving awards and being honored helps them achieve their fantasies. Every award, every time someone honored my father, fueled his goal to win. He won again! He was a winner. This was the most important thing in his world. He desperately needed to be the best winner of all time. He did not need to celebrate anyone else, ever.
What do narcissists want in a relationship?
They want everything their way. They want you to do things to benefit them. They need you to provide their critical narcissistic supply.
What’s the saddest thing about narcissists?
Narcissists are a slave to their egos and their image. They can’t control their behavior or manage their own emotions. They care more about receiving an honor or an award than having an actual relationship with their grandchild.
If you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse, you need to pay attention. If you do nothing, if you don’t address this trauma, it will bleed into every aspect of your life affecting how you show up for everything. The trauma takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know at the worst points in my relationship with my father, I had terrible insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, skin reactions, and more. This is why it’s so critical to talk to someone. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
I can help you.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk. Click here to book a free session with me. Don’t wait another day.