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Where are You in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?

Feels like the worst carnival ride

I don’t know about you, but I repeated the cycle more times than I care to recall. I didn’t even know it. Round and round we went. My narcissistic father would do or say horrible cruel things, I would confront him, he would turn the tables and deflect, deny, lie. Then I would apologize for something I didn’t do and we would go on as if nothing happened. Nothing ever changed. He was unable as he suffered from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I just wanted him to act like my father, he couldn’t.


I know how important it is to educate yourself about narcissistic abuse now. I feel like I’ve had a doctorate level of experience. It does help you, though, to understand the disorder. It’s not an excuse. You can’t make someone act abusively towards you, they do that all on their own. It helps to learn that it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve it.


I wrote about this in my book Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.” 

“To regain peace, I agree to meet with my father. I accept my father’s “non-apology” apology and we’re back to ground zero. My upset and his actions play in a constant loop in my head, over and over. I need peace to stop the cycle. But we won’t take another vacation together.

Now seven years after this nightmare vacation, I reflect on things I could’ve done to change the situation. Looking back, the trip could’ve gone differently if I sat down and had a “come to Jesus” discussion with my father. But I didn’t understand at the time what was happening or why he was so out of control. Knowing what I know now, I would’ve confronted him to put a stop to the madness. He didn’t have the communication skills then and still doesn’t express his frustration or feelings. All my father had was his self-doubt. No one was giving him the narcissistic supply he desperately needed to function.”


The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

In any relationship with someone who suffers from NPD, there is a cycle to their narcissistic abuse. It is a cycle; it circles around and repeats itself. This cycle is a pattern of abusive behavior.

It’s never a one-off with a narcissist. There are 3 main stages of this cycle with a last gasp maneuver from the narcissist.  First, the narcissist idealizes you, putting you on a pedestal. Then they very subtly begin to devalue and criticize you. Eventually, they discard you when you no longer serve them. Then they try to suck you back in and begin the cycle all over again.


Break the Trauma Bond for Good

Healing is an opportunity. It is critical to recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse, as it can have long-term effects on your emotional, mental, and physical health. The narcissistic abuse cycle typically involves a period of love-bombing, where the narcissist showers you with attention and affection, followed by devaluation, where they criticize and belittle you. This cycle can repeat itself over and over again, leading to feelings of confusion and self-doubt. Enroll in my newest course – Trauma Bonds 101 where I will lead you through the narcissistic abuse cycle and show you how the trauma bonds are holding you back and how to break them for good.   


Healing from long-term trauma takes time. Don’t stay in this kind of emotionally abusive relationship.  It won’t get better.  They won’t change.  You don’t deserve this abuse.


You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. 


Often, we stay in these cycles of abuse because we don’t believe we deserve something better. I kept trying to make our relationship work, but he didn’t want me in his life. It took me a long time to understand that I deserved better.


You deserve better, too.

You can't do this alone. I can help you.

Work with me one-on-one or take one of my courses.

Free yourself from the narcissist. Break the ties that bind. Break your trauma bonds for good.


Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast


Take this as your sign to take action today


 You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon,, and









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