#1 - Talk to someone. You didn’t do anything to deserve this type of abuse. You are not alone.
I say it a lot because it’s the best first step to take. Talking about it is the first step to acknowledging that you’ve suffered. It also provides clarity as to what you’ve experienced, validation as to the type of person you’ve been dealing with and comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
Narcissistic abuse is isolating, intentionally. You feel confusion, loss, anger, and rage. Nothing is what it seems, especially if your narcissist wears a mask and has a big public persona.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
"Who gets to decide if you’ve suffered emotional abuse?
We’re living in a time of destigmatizing mental illness and being radically aware of our emotional pain. So, it’s important to note people who deal with narcissists on a regular basis struggle with constant emotional pain. You may not understand what’s happening or you’re made to feel you’re overly sensitive, inflexible, and unaccepting.
But what about you? What about the victims of their abuse? How does their behavior make you feel? Relationships with narcissists make people feel like they’re:
Lost and unsure of things you counted on
Out of control
Confused and helpless
Disrespected and disregarded
Filled with shame
Experiencing a devastation they didn’t know was possible"
Things you need to do:
1. Acknowledge the trauma you’ve suffered
2. Practice self-care
3. Talk to someone familiar with narcissistic personality disorder
It feels like everything that’s happened to you is bottled up inside you. You’ve only been focused on making the relationship work. You haven’t paid attention to how the relationship has affected you. If you do nothing, if you don’t address this trauma, it will bleed into every aspect of your life affecting how you show up for everything. The trauma takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know at the worst points in my relationship with my father, I had terrible insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, skin reactions, and more. This is why it’s so critical to talk to someone. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
Clarity, Validation and Comfort
One of the best ways you can support someone who’s suffered this type of emotional abuse is to listen. Since I’ve been coaching people 1:1, I’ve found that survivors of narcissistic abuse need to experience all 3: clarity, validation and comfort. For those of you who are looking for a quick fix to this problem, you didn’t get here overnight. You’re going to need to do the work to survive narcissistic abuse.
I’m currently in the midst of leading my first group coaching program. I launched this group program in order to help more people who weren’t able to participate in the 1:1 program. It’s a great success. As a result, I’m launching the second cohort of the group program on July 19, 2023. We will meet once a week for an hour over 3 months for a total of 12 sessions covering the concepts of narcissistic abuse and providing strategies for you. These strategies will help protect your mental and emotional health as well as navigate narcissists or any high-conflict people you may encounter. I’m keeping the cohort small so please message me right away if you’re interested. email@example.com
Learn more about me here: https://buff.ly/3wf6tgQ
Let’s talk. Click here to book a free session with me. We’ll figure out if we work well together.