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  • Lynn Catalano

Narcissists are hypocrites

Did you ever notice that people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder often make edicts or firm commitments only to change their minds later on. When you question how they could all of a sudden go in the opposite direction they proclaimed was the best or the only way, they simply look at you confused. Why are you questioning them?

Every relationship is transactional – what can you do for me?

My father would frequently burn a bridge with someone, at the drop of a hat, stop talking to them, and pretend they no longer existed. Then just as quickly, he would reverse himself and befriend the person or organization, or event he had abandoned in a tantrum. Of course, there was always some transactional reason for his sea change. It’s always about what you can do for them, and what benefit you serve. Because you always serve at their pleasure. Narcissists use you for their benefit then discard you.

Narcissists are always dictating the rules and then they don’t follow them

They are always the bully, in every situation. They can dole out the criticism, the mockery, and the deception but they absolutely cannot take it. About a year after my mother died, my father began a new relationship. He made a point to me, in an email, about how important it was to him that this woman be Jewish. He literally typed the sentence all in capital letters to emphatically make his point. I didn’t question him, in fact at that time, I didn’t question anything. I didn’t know then that he was suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. I still believed this was part of the grieving process. The following summer he announced that he was dating a local woman who happened to be the mother of one of my high school friends. I replied that I thought it was so important to him to date a Jewish woman and he looked right at me and said “but she’s not.” He said this to me like I was a complete idiot. You see, even though he made this adamant statement about how important it was to him, he changed his mind as his circumstances changed. So get with the program, things change quickly with a narcissist. I could have used the clarity and validation from a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. This is why I do what I do.

Is hypocrisy a form of entitlement?

Synonyms of hypocrisy include:

  • Insincerity

  • Duplicity

  • Sanctimoniousness

Hypocrisy is a reflection of the narcissist’s inability to be self-aware. I wrote about their sense of entitlement in an earlier blog listing the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder from the DSM.

There is never any loyalty and no consistency.

Remember nobody rides for free with a narcissist.

If you’ve suffered this type of relationship, it helps enormously to talk to someone. When you're in a toxic relationship, you need to talk to someone about your emotions and your trauma. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now I coach people on their healing journey. I give people clarity, validation & comfort.

Learn more about me here:

Let’s talk. Click here to book a free session with me. We’ll figure out if we work well together.

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