In retrospect, this is what broke us. I tried for so long to fix it but I couldn’t. You can’t make someone act abusive towards you. They do that all on their own. I confronted my father after he publicly went against me, competing with me for a seat on a nonprofit Board of Directors. Probably doesn’t sound like much to you. My father had been passive-aggressive to me before in his remarks, but he’d never gone to someone else and put himself above me. The actual seat on the board of directors didn’t mean anything to me. The fact that it meant so much to my father that he would publicly compete with me and say that he should have been asked instead of me was catastrophic.
I confront him. He began giving me the longest Silent Treatment of my lifetime. At this point in time, my daughters were 14 and 10 years old. I didn’t poison their grandfather to them. I didn’t tell them what happened. So, when my eldest daughter saw her grandfather at the golf course and said hello to him, she was shocked when he pretended not to see her. Then she watched him say hello to someone else. She was 14 years old and didn’t understand why her grandfather would blatantly ignore her. This was a new low for my father.
When he walked out of my life, he left his grandchildren too
Narcissists don’t feel like they owe their children anything and that extends sadly to their grandchildren. My father was emotionally handicapped. He didn’t know how to end the Silent Treatment so it went on longer than he intended it to. He lumped my children, his grandchildren into his Silent Treatment. He didn’t want anything to do with any of us.
Narcissists possess very low emotional intelligence and use tactics like the Silent Treatment because they cannot process blame or criticisim. People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder can’t tolerate that they might be to blame so they “blame-shift” to escape responsibility. They leave no room to resolve any conflicts. As a result, narcissists have few if any long-term friendships.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“I see the strikes against his ego building up. Remember, we still live in the same small town and tend to run into him at various places. He saw my husband, Joseph at his office and didn’t say hello. He saw my daughter, his granddaughter at the golf course and barely waved. The Silent Treatment is a game where you’re punished if you don’t stay on the narcissist’s script. When I ask why he stopped talking to me this time, instead of answering the question he went into victim mode saying, “If you don’t want a relationship with your father that is your choice. If you do not want me around, I understand.”
I naively asked him to please be present in his relationship with me, Joseph, and the girls. I asked him to make conversation and act like he’s glad to see us. I told him it appears his public image is more important than his relationship with us.
As per usual, he would deny it saying he’s too old to care about his public image.
More lies. This just doesn’t square up with the times he tries to stage a forced public appearance.”
If you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse, you need to pay attention. If you do nothing, if you don’t address this trauma, it will bleed into every aspect of your life affecting how you show up for everything. The trauma takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know at the worst points in my relationship with my father, I had terrible insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, skin reactions, and more. This is why it’s so critical to talk to someone. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
I can help you.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk. Click here to book a free session with me. Don’t wait another day.