Why Narcissists Always Ruin the Holidays & How to Stop Letting Them
- Lynn Catalano
- 1 hour ago
- 3 min read
Every year, you promise yourself it’ll be different. You plan the perfect holiday, hope for peace, and tell yourself this time, the narcissist in your life will behave.
But just like clockwork — they start a fight, create chaos, or steal the spotlight.
If you’ve ever wondered why narcissists always ruin holidays, you’re not alone. And more importantly — you can stop letting them.
Why Narcissists Sabotage Special Occasions
The holidays trigger everything a narcissist can’t handle — being reminded that other people matter.
Narcissists have a very hard time at other people’s celebrations. They need to be the center of attention and of leadership and as a result they weaponize their aggression. Narcissists actually feel that these celebrations steal their own spotlight. Some people say it’s because narcissists lack empathy. Others say they don’t feel comfortable in intimate relationships.
Narcissists crave control, attention, and admiration. So when an event isn’t about them — whether it’s Thanksgiving dinner, a birthday, or Christmas morning — they feel threatened. Their fragile ego can’t handle joy that doesn’t center around them.
That’s when they start:
Creating conflict to pull focus back to themselves.
Guilt-tripping others for not making them the priority.
Playing the victim when they’re not in control.
Undermining your happiness because they can’t stand seeing you content.
Understanding this is key — their behavior isn’t your fault, and you can’t fix it by being more accommodating or “keeping the peace.”
The Psychology Behind Their Holiday Chaos
Underneath the narcissist’s charm or coldness lies deep insecurity and shame. Holidays highlight everything they lack — empathy, connection, genuine love — so they project those feelings onto others through manipulation, blame, and emotional sabotage.
Their need to feel powerful overrides everything else. That’s why even small moments — a toast, a gift exchange, or a happy family photo — can become a battlefield.
How to Stop Letting Them Ruin Your Holidays
You can’t control the narcissist, but you can control your reaction. The moment you stop taking their bait, you reclaim your power.
Here’s how:
Detach emotionally.
Don’t match their energy — stay calm, quiet, and centered.
2. Set firm boundaries.
Say “no” without explanation or guilt.
3. Gray rock their drama.
Be uninteresting; don’t engage when they provoke you.
4. Protect your peace.
Limit contact, skip events if needed, and create new traditions.
5. Use proven tools.
My course Surviving the Narcissist Season: Your Holiday Sanity Toolkit gives you practical strategies and emotional scripts to stay in control — no matter what they throw your way.
Limited-Time Bonus: Enroll now and get your FREE Holiday Survival Kit — 15 Proven Scripts to Shut Down Narcissistic Holiday Drama. These are the exact words to say when they try to bait you.
You Deserve a Calm, Joyful Holiday
It’s time to stop letting the narcissist dictate your joy. This season, choose peace, not chaos.
Enroll in Surviving the Narcissist Season: Your Holiday Sanity Toolkit — and take back your holidays for good.
👉 And before you go — take my free quiz: How Healed Are You Really? to discover where you are in your recovery journey.
You don’t have to survive another season of walking on eggshells. You can enjoy the holidays again — on your terms.