Triggered by a Narcissistic Parent’s Call? 3 Steps to Break the Toxic Cycle

Say Goodbye to Toxic Patterns

Ever notice how one phone call from your parent can send you spiraling back to feeling like a powerless child?

Your chest tightens. Your voice changes. You shrink. It’s as if all the progress you’ve made as an adult suddenly disappears.

This isn’t your imagination—it’s a trauma trigger.

Adult children of narcissistic parents grow up without support or empathy from their parents.

Growing up with a narcissistic parent wires your nervous system to expect criticism, rejection, or manipulation. Even as an adult, the sound of the phone ringing (or even just seeing their name pop up) can cause your brain to slip into “child mode.”

I could feel my heart rate increasing, the heat rising in my body, the sheer anxiety of what he would say or ask… Adult children of narcissists ride this familiar roller coaster. It starts with the gradual rise of feeling the white-hot flame of anger toward the narcissistic parent, to the sudden drop where guilt takes over.  

But here’s the truth: you don’t have to live in that cycle anymore.

Why It Happens: The Psychology of Triggers

Your parent trained you, no - conditioned you to respond in certain ways—seeking approval, avoiding conflict, or silencing your truth. These reactions got hardwired when you were young. So, when the phone rings, your brain links it back to childhood survival strategies.

It’s not weakness—it’s programming.And what’s been wired in can be rewired.

You can change. I did.

3 Steps to Break the Toxic Cycle

1. Pause and Ground Yourself

Before answering, breathe. Remind yourself: “I am safe. I am an adult. I get to choose how I respond.”This small pause interrupts the automatic child-mode reaction. There is enormous power in the pause. Take this time to do one of my favorite breathing exercises like box-breathing or 4-7-8 breathing. I believe these exercises help “reset” our system. It’s hard to feel the anxiety when you are counting and breathing.

2. Set a Clear Intention

Decide before the call: “I will keep this short,” or “I won’t explain myself,” or “I will not take the bait.” Going in with an intention gives you control instead of falling back into old dynamics. Setting clear intentions are boundaries. Boundaries are your personal rules and limits. No one gets to tell you yours are wrong.

After some time, your new boundaries will become habits and the impact of the narcissist will be greatly diminished. The best part is that even though the relationship seems shallow, it functions at a much safer and healthier level.

3. Reclaim Your Voice Afterwards

After the call, don’t stew. Write down what happened, how you felt, and how you would have liked to respond. This strengthens your adult self and builds confidence for next time.

Writing your experiences in a journal without censoring yourself helps you process what happened. It’s also the best way to recall the events and how they made you feel contemporaneously. It’s easy to forget just how heartbroken and despondent you were when the narcissist starts hoovering you again. Re-reading your journal will refresh your memory.

🖊 Try the After the Wrecking Ball 30-Day Recovery Journal. It's filled with confidence-boosting prompts that help you reconnect with who you are—without shame or doubt. It provides structured prompts and exercises specifically designed to help you process your experiences and reconnect with your authentic self. It's like having a roadmap through the fog of recovery. 

The Self-Led Path to Breaking Free

These steps are part of a bigger journey: retraining your nervous system and breaking toxic cycles that keep you small.

Inside Life Beyond the Narcissist™, you’ll get:

• A weekly step toward healing triggers and reclaiming peace

• Tools from The Power Back Path™ to stop repeating patterns in work, love, and family

• Resources like my book Wrecking Ball Relationships, the 30-Day Recovery Journal, and my self-led courses, including Narcissists Ruin & Wreck Every Special Occasion

So the next time the phone rings, instead of shrinking back, you’ll answer as the empowered adult you’ve worked so hard to become.

👉 Inside the membership, I teach you exactly how to reclaim calm and confidence in these moments. Join today and take your first step toward freedom.