The Bait & The Mask: When Covert Narcissists Pop Back into Your Life
- Lynn Catalano
- Jul 20
- 4 min read
One of my clients, “Jake,” gave me permission to share his story in the hopes of helping others.
He grew up under the shadow of a covert narcissistic mother. On the surface, she appeared humble, loving, and sacrificial. But beneath the surface, she was seething with jealousy, riddled with manipulation, and incapable of genuine pride or gratitude for her son’s accomplishments.
She only reached out when she needed something. She triangulated him with his siblings so she could swoop in as the savior. Her manipulations—subtle, calculated, and coated in passive-aggression—fractured the entire family. The siblings no longer have a relationship, and that, sadly, is by her design.
When Jake Asked Me to Talk To His Mother
Jake had endured this toxic cycle for decades and wanted some form of resolution. He asked me—unconventionally—to meet with his mother directly. It’s something I had never done before and haven’t done since.
That meeting lasted three hours. I entered it with hope. I thought we were having an honest, transparent conversation. It reminded me of the kinds of talks I had with my own narcissistic father—except slightly different. He wouldn’t apologize or accept responsibility, but I was hoping she might.
She didn’t.
She dismissed all of Jake’s pain and rewrote history to preserve her version of innocence. Still, she asked how to rebuild a relationship with her son. I gave her practical, compassionate suggestions.
She did… nothing.
The Jealousy Runs Deeper Than Logic
Instead of healing, she retreated further. Jake’s religious beliefs were mocked. His name (he goes by his given middle name) disrespected. His wins, joys, and values were ignored.
There’s been no relationship between them since.
Then She Commented on His Vacation Photos
Out of nowhere, Jake posted family vacation pictures on Facebook—and there it was:
a comment from his mother.
They hadn’t spoken in over a year.
So why comment?
Because covert narcissists are obsessed with image.She needed her audience—her friends and followers—to see her as a loving mother. She needed them to believe she was connected and kind. In her mind, not commenting might make her look bad.
Her comment wasn’t about Jake. It wasn’t a gesture of love. It was bait—an illusion, designed to protect her mask.
Narcissistic baiting is a tactic narcissists use to provoke an emotional reaction from others.
Narcissists use baiting to get attention. Remember, they don’t care if it’s positive or negative attention. Narcissists also use this tactic to deflect from their own flaws or actions for which they won’t accept responsibility.
Why Do Covert Narcissists “Pop Back In”?
Because silence isn’t a sign of absence. It’s a strategy.
They “check in” on social media or send a random text not because they’ve changed—but because they want to control the narrative. Comments are calculated. They’re designed to:
Create confusion
Make themselves look good
Reel you back in
This is classic bait.
And when you take the bait—responding, engaging, opening the door—they regain access to your energy, your mind, and your peace.
Covert narcissists will discard you when things become too much for them or if they are uncomfortable with their situation. They come back into your life because they want to maintain their power over you and control you as long as possible or at least try.
Narcissists will use you for personal gain, and when you’re no longer of use to them, they will discard you – sometimes only temporarily if you become too difficult to control.
So, What Can You Do Instead?
If you recognize these patterns, it’s time to protect your peace and rebuild your confidence. That’s where The Power Back Path™ comes in.
I’ve created an entire recovery framework to help you stop feeling stuck, confused, and guilty—and start reclaiming your voice, your clarity, and your future.
Whether you’re just waking up to the truth or deep into your healing journey, you don’t have to do it alone. I have support options to fit your exact needs.
✨ Your Next Step Options on The Power Back Path™
💻 Self-Led Online Courses:
Break the Toxic Cycle: Learn how to spot narcissistic patterns and step out of them—for good.
Narcissists R.U.I.N. & Wreck Special Occasions: Holiday chaos no more. Reclaim your joy.
💬 1:1 Coaching:
Sensei Path (6 sessions): Get focused, high-impact support with practical tools.
VIP Path (12 sessions): Deep dive with personal coaching tailored to your journey.
📚 Other Powerful Tools:
Wrecking Ball Relationships – My bestselling book on narcissistic family dynamics.
30-Day Recovery Journal: After the Wrecking Ball – A guided journal for clarity and healing.
Final Thought
Jake’s story is not rare—and if you see yourself in his experience, you’re not alone. The manipulation, the bait, the gaslighting, the guilt—it’s all real. But so is your power to break free.
Let’s walk your Power Back Path™ together.
➡️ Ready to reclaim your peace?
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