The Time My Narcissist Told Us About His Friend the Narcissist
The Last "Good Time With My Narcissist
The last time I went back to make peace with my father, I went because once again, I didn’t want to cut him out of my life. He had continued to walk out of mine every time something went wrong. I went back knowing he hadn’t changed. Maybe I went back to prove to myself that I did everything I could, and it was still over. Maybe I wanted a redemption story where my father owned his actions and we lived happily ever after. Spoiler alert: That didn’t happen.
During that last year and a half of “good,” I hosted my father for dinner at my home with my family many times. One time, early on, he shared a story about one of his close friends with everyone around the table. This friend of his was having trouble with his 2 adult sons. The friend, “Rich,” owned a successful business with multiple locations. Both of his adult sons worked for him. Something happened and each of the sons sided with their mother, Rich’s ex-wife, and Rich decided to cut them off. He fired both of them and stopped talking to them. My father told Rich that he really shouldn’t do this, these are his children, he needs to speak to them. I found myself looking for the hidden cameras. Surely, we were being “Punk’d.” My father was completely seriously telling all of us about how he reacted to his friend cutting off his own children without any realization that he had been doing the exact same thing to us for the last 3 years. What???
My narcissist told me with a straight face how he’d told his friend you have to talk to your children. It’s as if my father could see clearly his friend’s narcissistic traits without seeing that he had done the same thing!
Narcissists are tone-deaf. They absolutely cannot read the room.
Narcissists actually prefer the company of other narcissists. You’ve heard the phrase “birds of a feather flock together.”Narcissists are actually more tolerant and attracted to other narcissists. It makes sense as they see their own behaviors in others. They find comfort in it.
What should you do if this happens to you?
It’s advisable to have someone else witness your narcissist’s behavior. Other people will help you feel less crazy about this behavior. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. I know this isn’t always possible so if you’re alone, please journal what happened soon after. This helps you remember especially after your narcissist gaslights you as to reality.
Narcissists are unable to self-reflect, they never think they’re the problem. They will continue to blame-shift, manipulate, and emotionally abuse those closest to them. My father literally couldn’t see that he was describing himself when he was telling a story about his friend. He had walked out of his only child’s life as well as his only 2 grandchildren's lives. He completely abandoned us, wasn’t dependable, and just didn’t care.
This is why it’s so important to talk to someone after you’ve suffered this type of abuse. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
I can help you.
Don’t suffer in silence from narcissistic abuse, let’s talk.
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