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  • Lynn Catalano

What happens when they die?

You’re going along the healing process, trying to maintain your boundaries and forgive yourself and then your narcissist suddenly passes away. Now what?

Shock. Duty. Respect.

As I was no longer in his life, it was shocking to hear he had passed. Anytime someone passes and hasn’t been ill is shocking. I felt it necessary to fulfill what I believed to be his final wishes. I did it not to be performative or to please anyone else, but out of respect. I did this in the midst of dealing with what little family is left who have great disdain for me, making this process that much more difficult and painful.


There are so many missed opportunities. I have such sadness at what didn’t have to be. He walked out of my life so many times. I went back so many. But in the end, we weren’t in contact. Life is about choices and I was not his choice.

He taught me to live without him so long ago. He showed me how little he thought of me and my children. He didn’t want us in his life. All I wanted was a dad.


It was brought to my attention, very recently by a dear friend that I had been in the healing process for some time now. She sent me this quote from Gloria Steinem “The final stage of healing is using what happens to you to help other people.”

If you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse, people who haven’t experienced it don’t understand it. People think you should just let it go and get over it. That’s just the way that person is, they stop talking to you. They choose not to have you in their life. Outside people blame and judge you when they really don’t know what has happened. And they never ask you. It’s a lot to process.

I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now I coach people on their healing journey. Talking to someone about your trauma helps enormously. Talking to someone who’s experienced the same type of abuse provides both comfort and relief. This is an isolating experience. You can’t help but feel very alone. You aren’t. You didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment.

Learn more about me here:

Click here to book a free session with me. We’ll figure out if we work well together.

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