Coercive Control, Disinheritance & Searching for a Sugar Daddy
My father started threatening to disinherit me in 2016. This is how narcissistic parents operate. They try any means necessary to control you. They use whatever means necessary to control their children which could be dangled as a carrot or withheld. It didn’t matter that my father would have long bouts of the Silent Treatment. It didn’t matter that he was always in competition with me. It really didn’t matter that he only wanted me around when he needed me for his image.
Children of narcissists often endure severe psychological maltreatment, as their parents employ behaviors like bullying, terrorizing, coercive control, insults, demands, and threats to keep them compliant.
When the narcissist loses power over their children they will resort to some ugly, low, and underhanded method to control their children. This is actually a common occurrence with adult children. The narcissist begins to threaten disinheritance, financial separation, and more.
Discovering who my father really was, that he didn’t love me, was the worst thing. Learning he was a pathological liar, a cheater and more has been awful. Now I’m asking myself what fresh hell is this?
Searching for a Sugar Daddy
Recently, I was made aware of an individual in Niagara County who posted a screenshot of a text conversation between her and my father. What? She was preying on him by saying that I was only interested in his money. She was quoting the toxic Valentine my father sent me in 2012 that I printed in my book in the context of narcissistic rage storms. He wrote that Valentine long before I even thought about writing a book. He was angry with me that I wasn’t staying on his script. I asked him if he was getting married again and said if he does I thought he should have a prenup. You see, my mother dutifully put money into her retirement fund, never missing a payment. She died before spending one dollar. In the same discussion with my father, I naively said, “I’m sure it wasn’t my mother’s intention to leave her retirement account to a woman instead of her grandchildren.” I wanted to protect my mom’s legacy.
You can almost feel the venom in his Valentine. However, I don’t think it’s cool to leave my children’s legacy to some woman. I didn’t ask for a dollar.
What does this woman in Niagara County hope to gain by her social media post? She has attempted to blackmail countless men by sending them naked photos of herself and threatening to tell their spouses. One would assume she was trying to blackmail my father. Perhaps she already had. Maybe he was giving her money as she had convinced so many other men to do so already under suspicious circumstances. Who knows? What I do know is that my father suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, this local woman suffers from some mental disorder as well. I feel sorry for her.
My father walked out of my life (literally out of a restaurant) in September of 2016. This was the 3rd time he had stopped talking to me in 3 years – during that time he had actually been speaking to me for all of 8 months out of those 36 months. I had become aware of the toll this abusive relationship was taking on my emotional, mental and physical health. I couldn’t do it anymore. This is when he began to threaten to disinherit me. You see all he wanted was for me to be a prop to maintain his public image. When someone keeps giving you the Silent Treatment without any provocation, you tend to believe they don’t want you in their life. I know I did. This was 6 years before I published my book. He was using the threat of taking me out of his will to get me to behave even though I hadn’t walked out on him. He sent me an email saying that he was going to have to make some financial decisions that would affect me and my daughters’ legacy if I didn’t talk to him. A family gathering was coming up on his side and he didn’t want me to embarrass him. I wasn’t the one who stopped talking or who walked out. I was just the one who recognized that I didn’t like how not knowing from one moment to the next if he was going to speak to me, stay in my life, be my father or leave affected my health. It wasn’t normal. The fact that he’d only been in my life for 8 months out of the last 24 was his choice. I responded to him weren’t we already down the rabbit hole if he was insisting that I speak to him to ensure my inheritance? Wouldn’t he know I was only there for the money? You see, I didn’t cave. If what that individual in Niagara County said was true, I wouldn’t have written the book at all. I would have gone back and been his prop at whatever cost to me, because all I wanted was his money. Except I didn’t. And when he died, he made sure to disinherit me as a final farewell.
I know I wasn’t paying attention to how the relationship affected me. If you do nothing, if you don’t address this trauma, it will bleed into every aspect of your life affecting how you show up for everything. The trauma takes a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know at the worst points in my relationship with my father, I had terrible insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, skin reactions, and more. This is why it’s so critical to talk to someone. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn't set out to become a narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.
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