Do narcissists mellow as they age?
Absolutely not. As they become less active and receive less supply and fulfillment from their involvement, people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder become more frustrated. This manifests in bitterness, moodiness, and contemptuous behavior. Their image is everything and if they are no longer relevant, they’re angry and filled with rage.
They derive so much benefit from their image
They need you for the narcissistic supply you provide. Narcissistic supply is defined as the excessive need for praise, recognition, envy, and admiration all of the time and it’s their oxygen. They can’t live without it. If they don’t get enough narcissistic supply from you, they will move on and find new supply. A PsychCentral article defines narcissistic supply as a form of payment that’s given by others to the narcissist to be in the relationship. They go on to state “Once they receive the narcissistic supply for the moment, they soon become empty again; it isn't lasting. A narcissist's emotional or narcissistic supply tank is always running low or on empty. It's as if there are holes in the bottom of the narcissistic supply tank. No matter how much you try to love your narcissist well, it is never going to be enough.”
They need to maintain their busy lifestyle even if it’s no longer busy
Their image provides relevance and importance. They have a desperate need to maintain it. For example, the first time I asked my father why he did or said something, he responded with his whole resume. He literally listed every board, organization, and event that he was involved with at the time to show me how he was too busy to even discuss this issue. They are always the star of the show and their image is critical. In a Psychology Today article, they state “The most important person in the life of a narcissist is the narcissist. Children, partners, friends, even coworkers are often allowed in the narcissist’s orbit only for their own personal gain.”
They hate being alone and that’s exactly what they get
Narcissists love being the life of the party and the object of everyone’s adoration. However, as they age, they end up with the least amount of relationships as they’ve burned so many bridges along the way. They move on from people who no longer serve their purpose or benefit them. They end up completely alone.
I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.”
“While writing this book, I wanted to hear from other victims of narcissists, and I joined many online groups. They all had their own version of a wrecking ball relationship. One of the most common themes I noted was a desire to see the narcissist face karma. The victims of narcissists, wanted them to experience the same hurt, pain, anguish, we’ve experienced because of their words and actions. I believe narcissists face karma every day of their life. They live their lives trapped in deep insecurity. Much of their time is spent alone and miserable. They only want to control others and when they can’t, they live a tragic, pathetic existence. The narcissists’ biggest fear is being alone, yet their bad behaviors ironically guarantee that’s exactly what they’ll get. Solitude.”
If you’ve suffered this type of relationship, it helps enormously to talk to someone. When you're in a toxic relationship, you need to talk to someone about your emotions and your trauma. I’m a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now I coach people on their healing journey. I give people clarity, validation & comfort.
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