Stop Self-Sabotaging: How Adult Children of Narcissists Can Finally Thrive
- Lynn Catalano
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
You’ve worked hard. You’ve gotten the degree, the job, maybe even the relationship you thought would bring you peace.
But then… something happens. You drop the ball at work. You pick another partner who treats you poorly. You abandon a goal right before you reach the finish line.
And you’re left asking yourself: “Why do I keep getting in my own way?”
I know that question well.
My Story: How Self-Sabotage Showed Up in My Life
I grew up with a narcissistic father. On the outside, I seemed fine — I became a lawyer, an author, a leader. But underneath, I carried the same wounds so many adult children of narcissists carry:
Doubting myself, even when I was capable.
Choosing relationships that mirrored my father’s control.
Ruining opportunities before anyone else could take them from me.
I didn’t see it as self-sabotage at the time. I thought I was unlucky, flawed, or just “bad at relationships.”
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized the truth: I was living my life still controlled by his voice in my head. And until I broke that cycle, no amount of external success could make me feel worthy.
The Hidden Link Between Narcissistic Parenting and Self-Sabotage
Narcissistic personalities often make dreadful, dangerous, and traumatizing parents.
When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, your nervous system learns to:
Anticipate rejection or criticism. So, you cut yourself down before someone else can.
Fear standing out. Success can feel dangerous because it might trigger jealousy, manipulation, or punishment. The constant abuse conditions us to feel this way.
Seek chaos because it feels familiar. Healthy love, safety, and peace can feel “boring” or “wrong” — so you unconsciously chase the drama.
This is why, even as adults, we repeat patterns in work, love, and family. We’re not broken — we’re stuck in old survival strategies.
The Power Back Path™: How to Stop the Cycle
The good news? Self-sabotage isn’t permanent. With the right tools, you can break the cycle.
Here’s how:
Step 1: Spot the Pattern
Start noticing when you’re about to derail your own progress. Is it before a big deadline? Right as a relationship deepens? Awareness is the first step.
Step 2: Challenge the Voice
Ask: “Whose voice is this?” Often, it’s not yours — it’s your parent’s. Separating your inner critic from your true self is powerful.
Step 3: Choose the Adult You
In The Power Back Path™, I teach clients to shift from the wounded child’s reaction to the adult’s choice. Instead of “I’ll fail anyway,” choose: “I may be scared, but I can do this.”
Step 4: Create Safe Success
Build small wins. Prove to yourself that success can feel safe. This rewires your nervous system to stop associating growth with danger.
Step 5: Get Support
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Having a guide — and a community that gets it — helps you stay accountable and move forward.
What Life Looks Like on the Other Side
Imagine finally finishing that project without procrastination.Imagine choosing a partner who respects you.Imagine standing tall in a meeting, knowing you belong.Imagine looking in the mirror and hearing your own voice — not the one that told you you’d never be enough.
This isn’t a fantasy. It’s what happens when you stop self-sabotaging and reclaim your power.
Your Next Step
You don’t have to keep repeating the same cycles.
That’s why I created Life Beyond the Narcissist™, a membership for survivors of narcissistic abuse who are ready to stop the guilt, break toxic patterns, and finally live in peace.
Inside, I’ll guide you step-by-step to:
Recognize when you’re sabotaging yourself.
Build confidence rooted in your true self.
Create boundaries that hold.
Learn tools to handle contact with your parent — without spiraling.
👉 Learn more about Life Beyond the Narcissist™ and start your path to peace today.
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